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"Life is a storm my young friend. You will bask in
the sunlight one moment...be shattered on the
rocks the next. What makes you who you are is
what you do when that storm comes.”
- Edmund Dantes (from The Count of Monte Cristo)
Success Stories
If you have a success story that you'd like to share on
this web site, please submit it. You can always remain
anonymous. These contributions are from various
people who have visited our web site and wish to share
their stories in order to help others.
A Story by a Daughter about her Father
My father will be fifty-eight this year. Several months
ago, my mother and father began arguing a lot. Finally,
one day, my mother confided to me that my father, the
man I had looked up to and had often told people was
the smartest person I know, was an alcoholic. It took
my mother threatening to leave him for him to finally
quit, after God knows how many years. But he's doing
it. He's like a whole new person now. He's happier, and
he's lost weight too. He never went to Al-Anon or
anything. He just stopped drinking. He made a choice,
and stuck to it. And now, he's my dad again.
A Reflection by a Man in his Early 30's
There has been too many times that I look back on my
life and regret the episodes I have had when I was
intoxicated. If I can influence any teenager to stop and
think before ruining your life with alcohol, I would,
because it sure did ruin mine.
Angela's Story
My story started when I was 12 years old and was out
with my sister and her friends. I used to hang out with
her because she was always being left to take care of
me. It was the night before my birthday and we were
over at her friend's house. I was at her friend's table
with an older friend of my sister's when he asked me
how old I was, and I told him my birthday was the next
day. Well, he brought out a bottle of whiskey and
grabbed a shot glass and told me that I couldn't go
anywhere until we were done with the bottle. I ended
up getting so drunk that night that I did some really
stupid and crazy things before passing out. When I
awoke the next morning, I had a big headache and I felt
like crap.
The funny thing was that that was the FIRST day of the
rest of my life...well, not really the rest of my life but for
the next few years. I started hanging out with my sister
more and more until I established a friendship with her
friends. My sister was 18 at the time, and I had just
turned 13 but wanted to be a part of the older crowd. I
ended up hanging out with these friends for the next few
years and would go to the bar with them and loved to go
hang out in the bars. I was never asked for ID because I
was with these people and the bartenders and bouncers
thought I was old enough.
By the time I was 15 years old, I was living in the bars
from the time that the bar opened at 11 a.m. until it
closed at 3 a.m. It didn't matter if I had money or not
because I knew how to get money (through sex or
playing pool for money), and I had no problems getting
money from somewhere. I also hung out with people
who didn't mind getting sexual favors from me and then
buying me drinks all night. By the time I turned 16
years old, I was so caught up in drinking that I soon
lived over the bar with a waitress who was one of my
best friends. I would wake up every morning reaching
for the bottle and would go to sleep or pass out with a
bottle in my hands. I went from being a straight A
student to a dropout by the time I got to high school.
I never looked at dropping out as anything but getting in
the way of my drinking and didn't care that I quit school.
I had no goals or inspirations to continue with school
because it was too hard for me to concentrate on school
when all I wanted was a drink. I had to have alcohol
surging through my system all 24 hours of the day, and
if I didn't, I would get really shaky and feel like my
insides were going to burst.
My life stayed on a continuous roller coaster ride of
getting drunk by early morning and staying drunk all
through the day until I passed out. I would wake up in
places that I didn't or couldn't remember how I got there
and often woke up with a stranger in bed with me. I
was a complete and total mess, I didn't have a life, and I
didn't care about anything but alcohol.
It wasn't until I found out that I was pregnant at 22
years old that I started thinking about trying to quit
drinking, at least until I gave birth. I was so messed up
for the first two weeks that I quit drinking that I went
through horrible days of vomiting, headaches, nausea,
and diarrhea or constipation. I wanted to die because
the chills, the shakes, and the hallucinations were
making me want to kill myself. I ended up being
hospitalized for three months so that the doctors could
try to wean me off alcohol and the damage it was doing
to me.
Once I had the baby, I gave him up for adoption, (as I
wasn't able to care for him since I was too messed up),
and went right back to drinking for a couple more years.
At 24, I found myself pregnant again, and this time I
was determined to quit drinking and make a life for me
and the baby. I admit that I wasn't that healthy when I
got pregnant the second time because my meals
consisted of alcohol and smoking so I rarely had
anything to eat or drink besides alcohol.
I was able to quit drinking by the time I had my baby girl
and it was having her that made me want to change my
life around. She gave me a reason to stay sober, to get
healthy, and to make something of myself. I did
everything the doctor told me to do, I ate like a horse
during my pregnancy because I didn't want to have a
small baby, and I read every parenting book so I would
know what I had to do to take care of her.
It was a really hard road back to life and living, but it
was well worth the effort, the hard work, and the
nightmare that I made of my life when I was drinking. I
have been sober for 12 years now and although I still
have cravings, I realize that having one drink is not
going to be enough and a thousand won't satisfy me
either. So I have chosen to stay away from alcohol and
not even try a sip of anything because I am an alcoholic
and will be one for the rest of my life. I have fought a
hard battle and won but that doesn't mean that I am
able to pick up an alcoholic drink and be strong, it just
means that I now realize what I can and can't do, and I
live with it everyday.
If I learned anything from this experience, it is that
drinking is only a part time fix for anything that you
might be going through and doesn't get rid of problems
as easily as you think. It is only a temporary fix and can
result in a life where you are always in the bottle and not
able to see past the end of that bottle. If I could do it all
over again with the knowledge I have now, I would have
drank more sensibly and wouldn't have tried to drown
my problems using this self-destructive way. I would
rather have known all about the effects of alcohol on a
person's entire life than to have gone through the shit I
have. IT is NOT worth the effort to drink, whether it's to
fit in or to appear cool, the long-term is not worth the
short term fun. I suggest that if you are going to drink,
drink sensibly, and always have someone sober driving
for you. I happened to be a lucky person because I
never killed anyone while I was drinking and driving.
But if I had to tell teens or adults what was the worst
about drinking, I would have to say that it would most
definitely be: that no problems can be solved, no life
can be improved, and no happiness can be made by
using alcohol or abusing it. If you want true happiness,
love yourself, and respect the body you have because it
is the ONLY one you will get and you should treat it like
it's the most important thing in your life. Thank you.
Jean's Story
I tried to blame everyone and everything. Hello, my
name is Jean and I am a recovering alcoholic. I am one
of the fortunate alcoholics who has lived to tell my story.
But for the grace of God and the program of AA, I would
have died.
I started drinking at a very early age and was very
popular with my high school crowd as "the life of the
party". I could always out-drink everyone who I was
with. What started out as fun ended in living hell. My
drinking continued through high school and into business
college and then into the first law office in which I
worked.
At that time, my drinking was fairly well under control; I
was young, I had the stamina to get drunk every night
and work every day and the vicious cycle went on and
on. I really don't like "drunkalogs", so I will try to be
brief and say: I was married several times, held very
prestigious jobs, like working in various law firms, for a
state Senator, a Probate Judge, and the Lt.
Governor's office. I had a beautiful home and a husband
who I thought I loved at the time; and most of all, my
beautiful children.
Well, this husband didn't love me as much as I thought;
he did the right thing; he took my children, he booted
me out of my beautiful home, and he divorced me. I
STILL had not bottomed out. I could still out-drink
anyone around; and by then, of course the blackouts
had started.
Believe me, I tried to blame everyone and everything I
knew for my drinking; the death of my child, the ex-
husbands, etc. Everyone was responsible for my drinking
except me. The blackouts were, in a way, a blessing. I
don't want to remember some of those times.
Finally of course, the time came when I could no longer
work; I had to have my daily fix of alcohol every few
hours or so. My life was a total living hell. There were so
many days when all I could do was look out my window
to see if it was daylight or dark.
That, my friends, is something that no living human
being would ever want to go through. Of course,
eventually the time came when there was no money for
apartment rent, or for anything, except the few dollars I
kept back for my booze. Thank God for the final blackout
-- I came to in a room with a quarter on the dresser in
the room.
Thank God my family practiced "TOUGH LOVE". None of
my family would allow me in their homes; this was
bottom out time. I looked in the yellow pages of the
phone book and found the number for AA.
Within minutes, a lady and gentleman from AA were
there. Neither of them seemed shocked by the few
things I told them. I was so sure my story was unique
from anyone else's story. I was so sure I was unique.
Little did I know but I was simply an alcoholic, one who
was ready to do anything in the world to change my life.
These people took me in, carried me to my first AA
meeting, and lots of other people started working with
me and detoxing me. I have never been so sick, mentally
and physically. But I learned after that, that even my
worst day sober was better than my best day drunk. The
liquor had stopped working for me. There was no more
"high," or good feeling.
I would like to tell you that I stopped there, but after
one year of sobriety, I decided I possibly could still be a
social drinker. God, what a disaster. What I was always
told in the AA program was that this disease is so very
progressive, even when you are sober, and sure enough
I lived to find that out. After my first or second drink, I
went straight into a blackout. So my insane bout of
drinking had started all over again.
I am so grateful to my Higher Power and to those that
still believed in me, that I was one of the lucky ones who
"made it back". It was so hard to walk back into that
door of AA and start over and pick up a new chip.
But I did. To hell with false pride - I was ready to quit
drinking. Otherwise, I was doomed for an insane asylum
or death.
I am happy to tell you that I have just picked up my 17
year sobriety chip. Never could I have made it alone. I
have to have all of you, my brothers and sisters, to
remind me of who I am, and that is, Jean, a recovering
alcoholic who must take life one day at a time in order to
stay sober.
There have been many setbacks in my life, but thank
God I have not had to take a drink. Seems that this past
year has been my hardest; I broke my back, lost a
husband I truly loved, and had a complete nervous
breakdown. But I STILL DID NOT DRINK.
Every day is like a new day to me now; sometimes I feel
as if I don't quite know which direction I am going, but I
know as long as I stay sober, the direction will sooner or
later become clear. I have the privilege of being able to
do some work in a detox unit, and its such a great
feeling to share my experience, strength, and hope with
another suffering human being.
I hope, in doing so that somewhere down the line, I may
help just one person to find their way to the only
program in the world that has worked for me; the
program for the living, Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank
God for Bill W. and Dr. Bob, our co-founders. Whatever
would we have done had their paths not crossed.
I don't have everything in the world I want right now,
but I do have everything that I need, and it has been
proven to me by my Higher Power and the Steps and
Traditions of this program and all the great people in this
program, that this thing does work. There are many
things I would like to change in my life, but I feel if it is
meant for them to change, it will happen.
I do have my children back, with the exception of one
child who is out there, and is a practicing "addict". There
is nothing I can do for him, except pray. I have carried
him to many meetings with me, so he has been exposed,
and it is up to him as to whether he chooses to live or
die. It is that simple. There is no in between.
I want to end by telling each of you, those of you who I
don't know, that I love you. We share the same disease
and we know what we have to do in life. We have a
choice today. And isn't that wonderful? Some people with
diseases don't have a choice. I have been given the gift
of sobriety; I love life without alcohol; I enjoy so much
drinking my coffee on my back steps and watching the
birds in the morning; simple things that nobody else
would think is that important.
I find that I can make clear decisions, even though they
don't always have the outcome I would like. What more
can I say? I am a grateful alcoholic whose name is Jean
L. and every day is a new awakening, because I have
been given another chance; and I must not let alcohol
destroy my life.
That is the reason I have to stay active in this program
and always remind myself of who I am, where I have
been, and where I never want and don't have to go
again. Thank you for allowing me to share my story with
you.
"I Will Never Be That's" Story
Hi, I just wanted to share a few things with you all about
my life, where I came from, and where I am today. I was
born on July 24, 1956 at Hamilton AFB, California. I was
one of six children, five girls and one boy...(Poor guy,
huh?) We traveled quite a bit from base to base, but
eventually we ended up at Moody Air Force Base in
Valdosta, Georgia......the place that I call home today.
Throughout my life I witnessed abuse, alcoholism in
progress, and I just knew that I "would never be like
that!" My father is an alcoholic and my mother wasn't
strong enough to walk away. I learned how to comfort
my mother and I knew how high to jump when dad said
jump. But most of all, I knew how to hide my feelings,
my embarrassment, my guilt, my fear, and my pain from
all those who knew me. I was that "happy" person who
always had a smile on my face.....
I went through my school years knowing that I was not
really accepted by those that I thought were "really cool"
but I pretended that I was just as good, and that it
didn't really matter to me, and I just kept smiling......on
the outside! But deep inside, I wanted so badly to be like
everyone else....so sure of themselves and always
knowing the right thing to say or to do. I became
somewhat of a class clown; (sound familiar?) I realize
that we weren't all class clowns, but I think we all had
some way of being noticed. For me, I knew how to be
funny! At least I thought I was. Today I wonder if they
were laughing with me or at me. The great part is, I
really don't care today.
Moving a little further on, I knew as I was becoming an
adult that I was different from other people. I didn't
really understand why, but I knew that my life was just
not as wonderful as theirs seemed to be. I felt as though
I was worth the kind of life that I thought others had,
but somehow I just didn't feel like they did. After
graduating from high school, I got a phone call from a
basketball coach to inform me that Valdosta State
University (which was a college at the time) was forming
their first girl's basketball team the next year and asked
if I was interested in playing. (I played in high school.)
Oh yes, this would make me "somebody." I just knew it.
So, I started college, but really because of the fame that
playing ball would give me. I would be just like
everybody else then. I also started working as a
bartender at a really nice place in town, so I was
important to all those "social drinkers" (LOL) too. The
day before our very first VSC girls basketball game I tore
a ligament in my leg while doing wind sprints. Well,
there goes the fame!! I completed my first year of
college and then decided that I was making enough
money bartending and didn't need a career. I was still
very adamant about "not drinking," because again I was
never going to be like that. I would never be like my
father. I was a good bartender.....matter of fact my boss
told me he'd put me up against any bartender in the
country. I knew how to excel at anything that I did. Then
came the dreaded "relationship" era....I didn't know
much about that because I never dated in high school. I
was just a tall, skinny, basketball player who spent my
time after school riding my horse....did I mention that I
was a barrel racer? Sold my horse during my "college
basketball priority!" Anyway, my first relationship was
pretty good. He was a nice guy and he loved me. Was
going to marry me even! (smile) Well, you know with
every "first" relationship there comes a "first"
disagreement. I remember it so well....it was as though I
had no idea how to react....no idea whatsoever. He sat in
the bar that I was working at with "another girl" and I
thought that I was supposed to at least react. I started
thinking about how I should feel, and suddenly my mind
went to TV....you know the story....they fight, they break
up, someone gets drunk and throws the glass across the
room in anger.....That's it, that's what I'll do! I fixed the
most powerful drink (with a fruity flavor so I could
tolerate the taste), and then I went into the "closed"
kitchen and sat on a barstool and drank, and drank, and
drank.....Then it was time for the big moment.....I stood
up, threw the glass across the kitchen to watch it shatter
against the wall. Okay, now I should "feel" something.
Well, I don't recall it, but I must have "felt" the floor
because that's where my boyfriend found me. Passed out
in the kitchen on the floor. Glad I missed that one! I
could have hurt myself, huh? It's funny, but right then I
knew that I had to find out how to do this thing called
alcohol. That was my first drug of choice. Over the
years, many "abusive" relationships (funny how we
always seemed to find someone just like dad) and three
engagements, I knew something just wasn't right. These
guys "loved?" me, yet they could abuse me, and I didn't
really understand it, but I was just like mom. Not strong
enough to walk away. I guess I just wasn't good enough
for anything more than that either. After I was "strong"
enough to leave the third man that I was engaged to, I
became a "single" person and was loving it. Did what "I"
wanted and when I wanted to. I was awoken about 4
a.m. one morning by the hospital. A friend of mine was
in an accident and she requested that they call me. She
was one of my waitresses and had no family here. I had
only been to bed for about 2 hours at the time. Well, I
ended up being up all night long and all day and then
had to go to work. I was so very tired. One of the
bartenders that I worked with was on prescription diet
pills and told me to take one, that it would help. Well, I
had never done "drugs" and just as before, "I would
never do that," but she convinced me that it would not
make me feel as though I was "on" something, but
would only wake me up. "WOW" was I awake. I was so
energetic and very impressed. I knew how to do
"alcohol" very well, and now I needed to know how to
do this. I ended up staying up all night again, but this
time it was because of this "energy pill" and the next day
I returned to work "needing another one" in order to
stay awake. After about 3 days of this she told me "you
can't do this!" Oh, but I didn't, remember? You can't give
me something to keep me up and then just take them
away! I was actually "desperate" and this feeling was
very new to me. She refused to let me have anymore.
This was my very first (and only) experience with theft. I
went into the closet where our purses were and "took"
some of her pills. I only took half of one in order to be
able to sleep that night. I did sleep and was fine at work
the next night, but all I could think about were those
pills that were "now mine" sitting in my purse. I started
taking them just for that extra boost of energy. (Like I
needed it or something.) After they were gone, and
knowing that somewhere deep inside I just couldn't
"steal" hers again, I asked around for some speed.
Bought a bottle from someone with 800 RJS's for
$80.00.....What a bargain....only 10 cents a piece.
Hmmmmm....everyone was paying $1.00 for these
things. I can make some money here too. I began
"living" on these pills and although my mind said "go, go,
go," my body finally said "STOP!" I was fortunate to have
friends at my apartment at the time and the paramedics
were called to "revive" me. My first "second chance" at
life was given to me. But I didn't think about it that way
back then. All I knew then was that I would have to find
a "different" drug because this one was killing me. So,
off to search for something new.
I'll skip on past, but during the next few years I
continued to search for something to make me feel
important....one drug after the other, one sexual
encounter after the other, whatever it took to feel loved.
I didn't realize how much guilt I was building up inside
and that the day would come that I would "BE"
somebody that was worthy and I'd have to look back
upon all of this in order to come to terms with it. I
eventually met a man who was playing keyboards in a
band. He was gentle and kind and since singing was my
"dream" in life, we connected pretty easily. I started
singing with the band and loving life. The day he asked
me to marry him, I knew right then that I was going to
be okay.....this guy would never treat me like the others
and that was a good enough reason for me. We married
and soon had our first child. Things were real good. I still
drank a lot though. That part didn't change. After my
bartending job, I would go out to the club where he
played and would drink until he finished for the night.
But we were productive members of society.....(are we
laughing yet?) We did cocaine on special occasions (i.e.
birthday, anniversary, etc.), but that bottle was always
there at my fingertips when I wanted it. All of our friends
did a lot of cocaine, but we were different....only on
"special" occasions for us.
Eventually the place that I had bartended for 9 years
closed. The owner was just tired of it and wanted to take
a break. I went to work for another place, but during
that time a new company bought the building and had
plans of making a five star restaurant and lounge out of
it. Because I had run the lounge in that building for so
long, the new owners, after hearing repeatedly "you
need Jami here," came to the place that I was working
and offered me more money and "get this," a cadillac
company car......Man, a bartender with a "company car?"
They had been watching me work for a few days and
decided to give me an offer I couldn't refuse. So, I hired
my husband to put together a different type of band to
suit a five star lounge. Tuxedos, upright bass, keyboard,
drums, and trumpet. The right type of look with the right
type of music. It was going well in the beginning, but
eventually the prices for "5-star" was just too much for
our town, and suddenly the doors were locked, the
owners had disappeared, and I was a few thousand
dollars (in back pay) in the hole. By this time we had 2
children, and we were both out of work. That's when the
real trouble started. A friend of my husbands told him,
"You're always coming to me for cocaine for someone
else, so why don't you just buy some and sell it for profit
until you both find jobs!" You know, just something to
put food on the table until we both got back to work
somewhere. Well folks, this was the beginning of the end
(or was it possibly my "true" beginning at life??)
Suddenly this drug that we only did on special occasions
was sitting in our home 24 hours a day . I won't go into
the next 18 months, but I will say that I couldn't make it
through the day without it, would find it no matter where
my husband hid it, and was destroying myself little by
little, day by day. The ending came when I found a
massive amount that he had "misplaced" about a year
earlier, and I was in heaven. No more searching, hiding
video cameras to see where he hides it, etc. I had my
own "stash" now. But I was going to do it productively,
make it last a long time....(LOL) I started it and didn't
stop until it was gone, and by all reasons I should have
been gone too.....AGAIN! I went through some pretty
insane experiences during those few days, and at one
point I fell to my knees, and for the first time in all the
times that I had said these words, this time I truly meant
them.....I held my arms up in the air and looked to the
heavens and cried "GOD PLEASE HELP ME!" I don't
remember how I got there, but I awoke in my bed to
find my husband and children had disappeared, and also
to find this beautiful woman who I had never seen
before standing in my room. My friends, this woman had
a glow about her that I will never forget as long as I live.
She came to my bedside, sat down and took my hands
and said to me, "I will help you if you let me!" Soon
after, I was in the emergency room to find that I had
made it.....one more time!
Now for the great part.....This "gorgeous" doctor, who
everyone around here knows about, was the doctor
treating me. He looked into my eyes....(OH MY GOD, I
WAS IN HEAVEN FOR SURE), and he said, "Do you want
help?" I said yes. Next thing I knew I was being
transported to a detox center. That darn doctor, I
thought "HE" was going to help me (smile). Little did I
know then, that what I had searched for all of my life,
the ability to face life on it's terms and to know God, and
to love myself, was heading right in my direction. My life
began on this day.......November 17, 1987. My first
meeting was actually an AA meeting and my first
sponsor was also AA. AA came into the detox center
where I was "visiting!" After detox, I found my children,
went and got them, and filed for divorce. Then I began
attending NA meetings, mainly because most of the
people that I knew in detox were going there, but also
because the counselor that I had, who became a
"special" part of my life was also going there....In 1988, I
started a second group of Narcotics Anonymous, called
the "Spirit of Recovery" group of Narcotics Anonymous,
because the other group was only meeting 3-4 nights a
week, and I needed more and so did many others.....I
found out that I was not a bad person, that I was worthy
of life, and that I could make it without the use of drugs
or alcohol in my life. I walked into the doors of a room
that I didn't know what was behind, and I found a lot of
love. I found people who didn't ask me, "Why do you do
that?" They all knew why and they loved me still. All they
cared about is what I wanted to do about my problem
and how could they help! How wonderful it was to find
out that I wasn't alone, wasn't judged, and wasn't going
to have to live without hope anymore. In 1990 I
remarried and suddenly became the mother of four
instead of two......Took a lot of hard work, faith, prayer,
and courage to get past the new trials and tribulations
that faced both of us, but we made it through. I am
grateful today for those trials, because I grow with each
new learning, and sometimes painful, experiences. On
September 13, 1997, I became a grandmother and I am
just in "awe" of the miracles and blessings that God has
given to me. Today I can smile again and I can share
that with others. I still need all those people in my life
that taught me this way, and I also need those that are
just learning how we do it to remind me that it's still
"hell" out there, and because recovery is a lifetime thing.
One day at a time, "WE" can make it........AND SO CAN
YOU!!
Teena's Story (from an Al-Anon Viewpoint)
Hi..
I went to my first Al-anon meeting today.... I was really
scared, but when I got there, I relaxed. I keep learning
new things everyday and every minute. It's really cool!
I'm feeling so much better and happier.... I have been
working on learning not to be a "people pleaser" and boy
that's a tuffy! I did tell someone "no" when they asked
me to do a favor for them....and they said "okay"...that
was weird for me...I thought they would yell or
something...LOL
My husband has been great, and he has even noticed a
difference in me! I heard him talking on the phone today
to one of his friends and he told his friend that he was
"working on giving up the liquid diet" (as he calls it)...He
didn't know I was home. He has yet to go for help or a
meeting, and I haven't said anything to him about it
(and I don't intend to ) He hasn't had a beer in 3
days....He is irritable and has been eating everything in
the house. All I can do is pray for him!
Our roommate went on one of his little binges. He left
and has been gone for two days and no one knows
where he is. He does not drink, but he has a drug
problem. The phone has been ringing off the hook with
everyone looking for him, and instead of lying and
covering up for him I simply said that I did not know
where he was!
My husband must have been reading my Al-Anon stuff
because I heard him telling some of the roommates'
friends some quotes from Al-Anon...?
These last couple days have been really wonderful for
my whole family, I keep waiting for a bomb to go off...I
know it will happen....it's just a matter of time.
When it does, I know now that I can go to an Al-Anon
meeting....I feel that I've made some progress from the
way I was the other night....and I don't intend to go
back to the way I was...! I've got a lot to learn and a lot
of questions ... day to day.
Thanks to you all... : )
Teena